Thinking Back

Tonight, you have been extra snuggly. You took a nap laying on my chest after dinner and now at 11:11 after finishing a late night snack, you are doing the same. I have been sitting here with you for like a half-hour, just remembering some moments of our past ten weeks with you.

Mostly remembering when you were born. What an incredible day that was. I have been meaning to write about it since you have gotten here.

At 2 am, I woke up. I thought maybe my water had broke. It wasn’t a ton of water, so I wasn’t sure. I woke Jason up, told him and we just went back to bed to wait and see if anything happened.

Well…I say we “went back to bed.” We both were unable to sleep much. I had plans with Anna (who was living in our basement at the time) in the morning and so around 7, I told her I thought I would have to cancel to see how things went.

No contractions started or anything. So I told your dad to go to work, and I would call the midwife when her office opened.

I did and she said to come in at 2 in the afternoon and we would check things out. So Anna and I went on a two mile walk with Penny. Then we grabbed a fountain diet coke and went over to Amy’s to watch Gilmore Girl’s for a while. Then around 1:30 I dropped Anna off and headed to the Katherine’s office to meet up with your dad. Or did he make it home in time and we drove together? I need to write these things now, before I forget.

We went, she checked some things, and it was still up to us on whether we wanted to go to the hospital to get things started. Your dad and I talked. We were ready. So we made plans to meet up at the hospital a few hours later. We needed to go home and grab out things, drop off one of the cars (I do remember that we both drove) and grab some lunch.

I called your grandma on the way there. I wanted to let her know that she could start driving up to see you. She had to arrange a few things at home and then her and your grandpa were get on the road.

I remember your dad and I were so calm. We were excited but just relaxed and ready.

Anna was watching t.v. when we got back to the house. We told her that we were headed to the hospital to have our baby. I pet Penny a few extra times because I knew I wouldn’t see her for a few days.

We grabbed our bags, and headed out. We got lunch and then I remember we had to go back to the house to get something we had forgotten, a book, I think. (Not that either of us had time to read at the hospital).

So we got to the hospital and still, no contractions had started. But I had dilated a bit more. I think I was up to 3 cm at our appointment and four at the hospital. We went for a walk to try and get things moving. We didn’t want to use pitosin unless we had to. At some point the contractions started and were really mild.

Your dad and I walked all over that hospital. It was sweet time together. We talked and laughed and wondered who you would be. We wondered what sex you would be. We wondered how long we would be there. We walked down hallways of the hospital that we probably weren’t supposed to. I wanted to take that stairs. I wanted to walk hills outside. I wanted to encourage you to come in whatever way possible!

We came back in later, and I was still only 4 cm. Now it was probably 6 or 7 and we had to decide. Your dad was so strong. Knowing that I wanted to let my body do as much of the work on my own as possible, and knowing that I am impulsive and at the moment just wanted to get the show on the road, he talked me through waiting until at least nine o’clock.

We had my birth mix that I had made playing in the background. We decided to go for another walk. Katherine came too. We walked outside. Contractions came and went, and I would stop talking during them and breath. But they were still fine. We walked downstairs and Katherine had me walking them a certain way. We walked outside near a park.

And we came back to our room. We went through quite a few more stronger contractions in the room, but still I had not progressed past 4 cm.

I was ready. Your dad and I talked and decided to start the pitocin. It was around nine then. They hooked me up to the iv and I remember how quickly it started working. The contractions started coming stronger. I had to stand and lean against your dad during each contraction. 

He was an incredible coach. He was patient and kept reassuring me that I was doing fine. I couldn’t have done it without him. I remember at some point he went out to the car to get something and the contractions seemed so much harder without him in the room.

The contractions quickly got stronger, longer, and closer together. At some point I threw up (Wendy’s was not a good choice). I stood through most of the contractions, leaning against Jason. When standing became uncomfortable, Katharine suggested siting in the tub for a while. Oh my gosh, that felt so good. The warm water helped me relax.

So as the contractions got intense I remember Katharine and Jason encouraging me to count breaths. So I did. They were twenty breaths long at that point. So I would breath and count and once I hit ten I knew the intensity would lessen more and more until I hit twenty and it would be done. I would get a break. I started getting less and less of a break. Then I remember counting to thirteen and thinking it keeps getting worse!

So we got me out of the tub. I threw up again at some point. I think I remember your Dad saying “Think about the baby, that is getting so much closer to being here.” I had been so focused on what my body was doing I had forgotten about you!

Katharine checked me one more time and said: “You can push when you want to.” That was such a relief. I stood or squatted…and I know that this is waaaaay more info than you can to know about your birth (especially as a boy who won’t have to go through birth yourself!) but I’m afraid of forgetting.

I remember while I was pushing, I was giving it my all because I just wanted you out. There’s more I want to write but I will spare you details…but just let me tell you that as Katharine was keeping us updated on the progress, I kept thinking “That’s not enough. I want the baby ALL the way out.”

And then, all of a sudden, twenty minutes after I started pushing…there you were. I have tears in my eyes as I write this because it was one of the most incredible moments of my life.

And your dad was right behind me where he had been supporting me. He told me later that it had been such an emotional moment for him too. I just remember taking a look at you and saying “It’s a boy!!”

And there you were, real. Not just the mystery that was growing in me for the past nine months But a breathing, screaming, messy, little boy. Your dad and I looked at each other. We named you Judah Peter, a name we had just decided on a few weeks before.

And I grabbed ahold of your tiny slippery body and held your warm body as you screamed. It was such a beautiful sound. 

We had wondered what it would you would look like, sound like, and be like.

And all of it, all of the pain and the waiting…everything was forgotten in that moment. You were the most beautiful thing we had ever seen. 

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